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The Forget-Me-Not was a gift by Ilunabar to Belruarc. Though as of yet unacknowledged by Belruarc, the choice has proven oddly prophetic. In many ways, Belruarc has become the very epitome of all things forgotten.

Creation and Gifting Edit

The Forget-Me-Not was created by Meimu for Belruarc, along with other flowers and plants for the other gods, using the Ring of Blooming. The diva was sent forth by Ilunabar - much to her despair - to not only create the flowers, but spread them. And she had to do it all on foot. She was given the responsibility of changing and perfecting flowers as she saw fit - something she found rather terrifying, as she had never before had so much freedom.[1]

Belruarc being unknown to Ilunabar, there did not appear to be any purpose or meaning behind the choice of flower at the time[2] - though it is postulated that, perhaps, the very fact that the two goddesses had not met (and as of yet, still have not), created a subconscious desire within Ilunabar to not forget her exceedingly reclusive sister. Whether or not that is the case, the choice has, with time, proven exceptionally appropriate.

The Forgetting of Belruarc Edit

The forgottenness of Belruarc has its roots in the early reclusion and lack of interaction with her siblings. This has its beginnings in Belruarc's late arrival relative to her other siblings in the pre-universe.[3] This meant that she was unable to interact with Slough despite a desire to do so - though she was able to add her magics to the Codex.[4] The first evidence of her actively seeking to seclude herself from her siblings came about in the immediate aftermath of the creation of the universe where, rather than do as her creative urges desired, Belruarc instead repressed herself and drew herself into a foetal position before allowing herself to be carried away in Galbar's orbit.[5] Thereafter, none interacted with her at all, and she sought to interact with none, remaining in something of a near-dormant orbit for aeons. This was so until Vowzra came to her - who has, to date, been the only god with whom Belruarc has had any meaningful interaction.

'Suffering has been your lot, loneliness. You have been ignored by your siblings, but dauntlessly have you borne the burden...'[6] ‒ Vowzra
Descending to Galbar with Vowzra and becoming human arguably ensured that her seclusion was reinforced and that the forgetting of Belruarc could progress to another level. In her human form, she was less able to travel where she pleased and her ability to communicate with her siblings appears to have been stunted. In all ways, Vowzra's intervention created a powerful bond between her and him, but permanently severed her from all the others.

Her next meaningful interaction was with a yet-evolving Oradin-Thulemiz who sought to consume her soul.[7] The experience, and her rescue by the Vicegerent of the Vicegerent, as well as the subsequent stand-off between avatars that she witnessed and the death of the Vicegerent, appear to have deeply traumatised her. For the first time, her bitterness towards her siblings - even Vowzra - manifested itself, and her truly forgotten nature became apparant even to her.

She had grown to hate how he [Vowzra] had pervaded every aspect of her life, every movement and thought, every relationship. She hated the fact that he was her only friend. Her only hated foe. Her only love. He was her brother, yes, and a father now, and were it not that he was the sire of her child, and were it not that he was the one ever protecting her, she would have said he was as her own child also. Yes, his only redeeming factor - for she hated him so! - was that he, out of all of them, had not forgotten her and had become all those things to her.

They had all forgotten her.

And so while she hated him for his overbearing presence and his imperious Eye and his uncompromising Sight, she loved him because he remembered her. And perhaps, in his own strange way, he honoured her. Yes, he alone had Seen her, and even if he had not meant it, he had come to her and had comforted her and he had birthed, where there had only been numbness before, love and hate and joy and misery and pain. So much pain! But it was far better than that numbness.

And now, she wanted him to leave her alone. Forever. She wanted him to be like the rest of them. She wanted to hate him without reserve - that peremptory Eye, that Sight, the innumerable voices in his voiceless voice. All he had to do was leave her be, and she would be able to hate him for what he was to her just as she hated the others for what they had not been - or even tried to be.
Damn you, and damn them; damn the essence which sustains you all, and damn the hubris which elevates you all beyond your true stature. No, I shan't be sad that you have not soiled me with your friendships and enmities. I shall mingle with beings of far higher rank and stature than you...[8]
Thus Belruarc's primordial cry and silent wish - forget me not! - which was spoken for her by Ilunabar in the form of a flower eventually melts away into another cry - you forgot me! - with all the bitterness and anger that naturally entails. But over time, this cry transforms yet again. Faced with percieved death, Belruarc comes to a very sudden epiphany.
She had never known it about herself before, but she realised then - and what did it matter if she admitted it or denied it now? - that she was something of a coward. An ungrateful coward at that. Selfish too, now that she thought on it. Perhaps it should not have been so surprising, but she was rather surprised by the sudden illumination.

How quickly had she fled when she thought danger nigh - she had not even paused to think that maybe it was not only her who was threatened. She had only thought to run. And she had blamed the others in her heart for not being around - Chjekaya, whose heart was only full of love, pure love; Malikhet, whose only care was that her Witch-Priestess rise ever higher in the eyes of the people and become truly appreciated for all her beauty and wisdom and mercy, that loyal Malikhet; Gadar...she could not bring her heart to imagine having doubted him in her moment of unadulterated cowardice, to have doubted his warmth when all other warmths seemed to have failed. Aye, she had blamed even him, but in her heart she knew, also, that she had nothing she could blame him for. He had given her of himself unlike any other, and all she gave him was ungratefulness and hatred and anger. She looked down, fear seeping from her as she came to terms with these her final moments. And in her heart she hoped that, if the souls of all that lived, divine they be or otherwise, gathered somewhere after all of this, she would very much like to be united with all who loved her, and all whom she now realised, with the most sudden pang of pain, she also loved.

'Oh,' she moaned inaudibly, 'oh Belvast,' for she had made a promise long ago, and now it seemed that she would not be able to keep it.

She had abandoned him.[9]
Her final cry and realisation is neither 'forget me not!' nor 'you forgot me!'

It is, 'I forgot you.'

References Edit

  1. http://www.roleplayerguild.com/posts/3437731
  2. http://www.roleplayerguild.com/posts/3437731
  3. http://www.roleplayerguild.com/posts/3373043
  4. http://www.roleplayerguild.com/posts/3373043
  5. http://www.roleplayerguild.com/posts/3387740
  6. http://www.roleplayerguild.com/posts/3472742
  7. http://www.roleplayerguild.com/posts/3711732
  8. http://www.roleplayerguild.com/posts/3930535
  9. http://www.roleplayerguild.com/posts/4143143